Not articulating what you want can mean not having the sex you really want, which is why learning how to provide constructive feedback to a partner is so important. “And when that happens, we may not feel ourselves entitled to experiencing pleasure or having desires,” they add.
“Many of us, unfortunately, go into sexual experiences from a place of believing that our desires, our pleasure, even our boundaries are less than, secondary,” Lucie Fielding, therapist, sex educator, and author of Trans Sex, tells O.school. Many people may also be hesitant to give a partner feedback because they aren’t prioritizing their own pleasure enough. Many people have a hard time giving feedback because they feel awkward voicing their needs, or they fear that their partner might feel embarrassed, criticized, or get defensive. If you’ve had difficulty communicating your needs in bed, you’re not alone.
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